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remixredux08title: Penguins, Sparrows & Stars {Be Free to Fly remix}
author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thisissirius
summary: he'd thought it would help, somehow, being stuck inside a ship. actually, it just made you morose. and not a little paranoid.
rating: pg[13]
fandom: stargate; atlantis
title, author and URL of original story: Penguins & Sparrows & Stars bybluflamingo. i knew the moment i clicked open the link that this was the story for me and i'm hooked on this fic asnd the prologue, both of which i'd recommend! thank you, Blu, for letting me play in your sandbox!
His consciousness flowed through Atlantis’ systems like an extension of her own sensors and circuits. He could see everything, all at once, something that had threatened to break him back when he’d been new at this. He could touch anything that made Atlantis the ship he’d come to know and love and the freedom was like a drug.
He could see Katie nervously biting her nails in the makeshift infirmary, resting against the med bed and he knew she was waiting for news on Lorne and the others, wondering how many of her friends she was going to have to stitch up this time.
Radek was working tirelessly in the engine room, trying to keep Atlantis in workable condition and waiting for the call that would mean he’d be coaxing the ships systems into a dash they’d performed many times before, and would continue to do so.
He could feel, through Atlantis’ sensors, the away team, their life-signs and statistics blinking through his consciousness. He knew which one was Lorne (high blood pressure, arm still healing from a brush on one too many planets). He knew that one was Cadman (adrenaline rush that never faded) and the other was the semi-cautious Parrish (almost perfect life signs). He fought a sense of longing, almost constantly, at wanting to be down there with them, living a life he was meant to, before a jealousy-ridden sorcerer had taken a dislike to John and trapped him here.
He felt an irrational sense of gratitude at the Space Force ship when it dropped into orbit and made it’s way to the space docks. There was terror too, of course, but he liked to feel useful. As he watched Lorne and the others make their way back to the ship, he felt a rush of adrenaline not unlike Cadman’s, and willed Lorne to hurry so that they could get the hell out of here, already.
John would have gritted his teeth, if he had them, when Zelenka pushed Atlantis into flight and he wanted to protest as much as Atlantis when they finally made it into a shudder and jerk.
Lorne rushed into the room and Zelenka relinquished the controls to him, almost gladly, and John ignored the sensors bleeping all around him about the proximity of the Space Force ship.
“Yes, because I can fix it with only hair pin and none of the parts you went for in twenty minutes you were away.”
John snorted inwardly at Zelenka’s reply and relished the mood Atlantis seemed to work the crew into.
He watched Lorne’s motions as he tried to guide Atlantis out of the way of the Space Force ship, and away from a planet that he’d already taken off his mental list of Places That Don’t Hate us Yet.
He watched in silent fascination (like he has a choice) as Lorne did flight manoeuvres that John missed being able to perform, and he’s almost painfully aware of the conversation going on around him. Being able to participate is the easy part, wanting to is getting harder.
John got flashes then, of everything at once. Cadman ready with her explosives, glee ripe on her face. Katie hanging back just out of range, not quite as happy. Zelenka, working his magic with the gate drive and Parrish, out of sight but definitely not out of mind. It’s Lorne who’s fighting to save their assess, like he always does. John thinks, someday when he gets his body back because he will, he’ll have to talk really loud and long, with his mouth, to Lorne about how much he appreciates everything, all he’s done, to keep them all alive. Really.
When John recognised the familiar signs of the gate drive powering up he thinks they might actually make it, again, and grinned in his minds eye.
“Who taught you to do that?”
It was still weird, talking but not really talking.
“That would be you, sir.”
“Oh. Nice flying, then.”
“Thank you, sir.” Lorne was amused and John wished he was there, grinning beside him. It’s been too long since he’s flown a ship with his own two hands.
{ . }
He doesn’t like to eavesdrop on the crew. Not all the time, anyway. He’s not stupid and he’ll take what gossip he can from the small snatches. They’re not a big crew, but it only takes more then three people for there to be even a hint of gossip. He learnt that a long time ago.
He tries not to think about Lorne and Parrish, or Katie and Cadman when he sees them. It makes him think of what he’s lost himself and he almost wishes the sorcerer had had a daughter. It might have been worth it, then.
“We got a call when you were out.”
John was trying not to think about that call. Ford had been more agitated than normal. It wasn’t unusual, but the reaction had put John on edge and he was trying not to get too hopeful. Just because Ford said he knew where McKay was, didn’t mean he actually did.
{ . }
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” Rodney clutched his arm with his free hand, blood soaking through his fingers almost immediately. He dropped to his knees and crawled his way into the bushes, face pinched in pain and getting paler by the second. “Dammit, he’s gone crazy!”
John didn’t say anything. He couldn’t even feel concern right now. He peered left. “Teyla?”
“I am fine, John.” She crawled towards them, gun tight in her hand. She took one look at Rodney and muttered a curse under her breath, already reaching for the bandages in her hipbag. “What could have happened to make him react this way?”
“I don’t know.” John frowned and jabbed a finger in Ford’s direction. “What planet was he left alone on last?”
“Delaghn,” Rodney said. All three immediately tensed up, remembering the planet population only too well. It had been a desperate landing, one they’d tried to be on and off within a couple of hours. Things hadn’t run that well, though, and John remembered Ford running up the ramp, breathless and a little out of sorts. He hadn’t bothered to question it then, but now he wished he had. “Oh great, perfect!”
John muttered under his breath as Teyla began to wrap a bandage around Rodney’s arm.
“John, we must get Rodney back to the ship.”
“Mm’fine.” The words were slurred and John threw a hasty look at Rodney’s drawn features and heavy-lidded eyes.
He shifted in the undergrowth and took one last look at Ford. “We go, then.”
“Can’t just leave him,” Rodney said.
Ignoring him, John tugged at Teyla’s sleeve and she worked a shoulder under Rodney’s arm, working their way to their feet. “Keep to the undergrowth. I’ll cover you until we get back.”
Teyla nodded wordlessly and started off with Rodney. John gave one last fleeting look at Ford, armed with two guns and their trading pass, and followed.
Sorry, Ford.
{ . }
John knows that Lorne doesn’t believe that McKay exists. He wasn’t exactly forthcoming with information on the guy before this, but it had been hard admitting that there was something that John just wasn’t good at. Apparently, keeping friends had been one of them. Until Lorne, anyway.
It’s not that he can forget McKay, not for a lack of trying, sometimes, but it’s that the memories of him hurt and he’s good at pretending that they don’t. When the sorcerer had first imprisoned John in Atlantis, he’d been giddy and thought it was cool but then reality had set in and John knew that Rodney was the only person who would be able to help. There were others, of course, but none of them would be crazy enough to know the solution, but Rodney. Crazy enough to carry it out, anyway.
When Dr Carter hadn’t come through for them with the details of where Rodney was, already having traded the naquadah for a better deal and refusing to give up the co-ordinates, John had lost hope at finding McKay again.
The Galaxy seemed to be against John finding Rodney, and he didn’t like that at all. He liked even less having to keep it from Lorne, but he wasn’t happy sharing that part of his life with anyone. There were limits to how much John was willing to divulge about himself, and his time before the SF was one of them.
Memories, sometimes, were much to precious to talk about.
{ . }
Sheppard grinned and brought his head up from around the small cruiser. “Admit it. You like her.”
Rolling his eyes, Rodney yanked hard on a piece of the engine and it fell away, yet another sign that the ship was more than just scrap, now. “I’m socially awkward, not blind. She’s gorgeous, and she has a killer…” he trailed off.
“Rodney. John.”
John gave her a blinding grin and watched in amusement as a blush crawled up Rodney’s face.
“Teyla,” he babbled. “Hi. How did the negotiations go?”
“Very well.” She raised an eyebrow and patted his back in what she probably thought was a friendly manner. It just made the blush darken and rise to his hairline. “Have you found anything we can use?”
Rodney snorted, falling back into the easy rhythm of derision of anything SF-based and Sheppard gave her a small smile. “Not so much. Rodney, though, was just pointing out how inept they’d have to be to leave ships like this for any old scavengers.”
“And by ‘any old scavengers’,” Teyla said, wryly. “You mean us.”
Rodney nodded. “Yes. I mean no, I mean – look, this ship is lying here and if there are useable parts, then of course we’re going to make do with them. It’s not like they’re going to be missed.”
“Of course not, Rodney.” Teyla shook her head and John smothered another laugh behind his hand.
“Yo, guys!” All three of them turned their heads to the docking ramp of their own cruiser.
“Why does he have to start every sentence with ‘yo, guys’?” Rodney grumbled, but worked his way to his feet and fell into step with John and Teyla.
Aiden Ford was bouncing on the balls of his feet, an eager smile spread out on his face. He was impossibly young, still, but his enthusiasm and friendliness had worked it’s way under even Rodney’s skin, and John hadn’t been the only one happy to let him on board the ship.
“What’s up, Ford?”
“I think we just hit pay dirt.”
They joined him at the main console and Rodney fingered the controls eagerly, drinking in the data filling the screen. “This is – You guys, it’s naquadah.”
John’s eyes widened and he peered over Rodney’s shoulder “Are you sure?”
Rodney ignored him and pointed to the scrolling data. “Thousands of kilo’s. There’s enough here to keep us in the money for years. People will trade and arm and a leg for this. Not that we’d want an arm and a leg but, years.”
“We get it, Rodney.” John exchanged a look with Teyla and gave Rodney’s impatience a fleeting glance. He valued both of their opinions but sometimes Teyla was the voice of reason where Rodney was the voice of want want want, no matter how much John might want, too.
Teyla took a moment, and John knew she was weighing all the options. A mining operation would take a long time, and it was dangerous to stay in one place for too long, every pilot knew that. But at the same time, they needed naquadah if they were going to be going anywhere anytime soon. “I believe it would be wise to mine as much as possible before we have to move on.”
John could see the triumphant grin on Rodney’s face even before the ‘ha!’ He shook his head. “Right. Get started, then. I’ll finish cannibalising that ship out there, and see what we can do with the parts.”
{ . }
John watches the exchange between Ford and Lorne in silence, knowing that Ford won’t want to talk to him, not when he can’t see his face. He knows why, too. Ford needs to be able to see a person’s face, to judge their trust. He needs to know if he’s going to be stabbed in the back, ironic considering, or whether he’s going to get what he wants.
On the screen, Ford’s eyes look away from the screen and then back, but he’s not looking at Lorne anymore. “Is Sheppard – can I talk to him?” he asks. He sounds almost like the old, young Ford, and it catches John’s attention.
“Of course. He’s right here. Say whatever you want.”
Knowing that that won’t work, John watched in seriousness as Ford shakes his head and refuses and John suddenly knows how this has to work. Maybe Ford has come around, he won’t hold his breath, but maybe he really does have something this time.
“Ford.” John cut across him, needing Ford to focus right now. Rodney is at stake and John needs him now, maybe more than he ever has. “Don’t get upset. Lorne’s concerned about Atlantis, that’s all.” John nudged Lorne out of the cabin, verbally and mentally.
“You sure, Sir?”
“I’m sure. Go on.”
As soon as Lorne is out of earshot, and John makes sure that he is, he focuses his attention back on Ford. “What is it, Ford?”
There’s a long stretch of silence and then Ford leans closer. “I really do have the co-ordinates.”
“Like the last time you said you had them.” John’s voice tightens and he’s not happy about this, any of it.
Ford smiles and it’s that smile that always put John’s hair on end, back when he had it, and if he could glare he would. “You didn’t need him quite as badly last time, and I needed he moment.”
“Well, when you have spare you can pay us back.” John’s voice is hard as steel now. “What’s the price, Ford?”
“There isn’t one.”
John laughed. “Now that I don’t believe for a second. You told me to get rid of Lorne and I figure you did that for a reason.”
“I have a reputation, that’s why I told you to get rid of him.”
Something, then, flashes in John’s memory. “I get it. You think this is that time?”
Ford’s grin is feral. “It has to be important. I figure this is as close to life and death as it’s going to get.”
“Fine. You don’t owe me anything, Ford. If you give me those co-ordinates, that is.”
As he speaks, the co-ordinates are uploaded into Atlantis’ data banks and the rush of relief is stark and hard against his consciousness. “If he’s not there, Ford, there will be nowhere-“
“I’ll take that as a thank you, Sheppard.” Ford tapped two fingers against his head, towards the screen. “See you around.”
He’s gone and Sheppard stares at the screen, wondering if he dare hope this time.
{ . }
“Ford.”
Aiden looked back at him from a small ship that Sheppard recognised from somewhere. “Hey, Sheppard.”
John couldn’t detect any hint of guilt or remorse for his actions and he wished, not for the first time, that Rodney had stayed on Delaghn with Ford. “What do you want?”
His voice was heavy with disdain and Ford seemed to catch it, something in his expression souring and then softening. “Look, Sheppard. I didn’t –“
“Cut the crap, Ford. You put a bullet in McKay’s arm, and then shot up the ship when you left. Tell me why I should sympathise with you, or give you any kind of handicap because we’re friends. I let you contact me. Now tell me what the hell you want, or get the hell away from my ship.”
Ford sat stunned for a minute and John was almost sorry at his outburst. Almost. “I need your help.”
John resisted the urge to laugh and wondered what Rodney and Teyla would say if they were here. Teyla would be glad that Aiden was in contact again, that he was trying. Rodney? John wasn’t sure what Rodney felt about Ford anymore. He wasn’t even sure what he felt. “Why should I help you, Ford?”
The name sounded alien in his mouth, after all this time, and it was hard to picture this man in front of him as the exuberant youngster who’d found them a naquadah mine when they needed one the most.
“We were friends once, John. Please.” He looked at John the way he used to, when he had done something wrong, or was unsure in the moment. John dropped his eyes from the screen and wondered why all his friends had perfected the ways that sucker punched him into giving them what they wanted.
“You owe me, Ford. One time, I’m going to need you, and when I do, you’re going to give me what I want, you understand?”
Without hesitation, Ford nodded. John knew then, that he was lost.
{ . }
John doesn’t find Lorne straight away. He needs a minute to think about this, but then he takes a look at the co-ordinates and it’s a week away. It should be nothing next to the years they’ve been searching, but it seems an age now that Rodney could be a mere week away.
The planet is unfamiliar, but he hadn’t really expected Rodney to still be in the lab he’d left him in. They’d been searching for two years, almost, and John had been watching Lorne get frustrated, wondering if maybe John was making it up. It was true that John was lonely, sometimes, despite the crew, but he wasn’t that lonely. He’d had a life before the SF, and he wondered if parting some of it to Lorne beforehand would have helped with this, now.
Hindsight.
“Lorne?”
Lorne isn’t at all startled and John wonders if he’s always expecting there to be a voice in his ear. It will make it hard if they fix this, but it will be amusing, that’s for sure.
“It’s a week away.”
Week rings through the ship and Atlantis hums along right beside him as he informs Lorne that they’re going to need to make that fuel pit stop after all.
“I miss having privacy,” Lorne says and John laughs.
He laughs, but feels the truth of the statement more clearly than he’d like right now.
{ . }
“If we use the gate drive, we can get there faster.”
“Fine!”
“Do you think this is it?”
John fades between their conversations, feeling the strain more keenly than they do. He knows they’re discontent, he knows that they think he’d being foolish, but this could be it.
“Sheppard does. He knows Ford better than I do.”
I did, once. John hasn’t known Ford in a long time and just because he doesn’t think that Ford’s agitated and suspicious tendencies have extended to getting rid of John completely by sending him to some raider-riddled planet, doesn’t mean that they haven’t.
He knows Rodney is out there, somewhere. He also knows that, before, Rodney wouldn’t have been out of contact with him for longer than a week, let a lone a year. But they’d all changed since their time together. Ford and he and Rodney. Even Teyla. So much was different, but he hadn’t realised, then, that so much would have to change.
{ . }
“Teyla, I wish you’d reconsider.”
“I know you do, John. But I have to do this. They are my people.” She clutched his shoulders in the familiar manner, dropping their foreheads together and breathing in deep. “I am truly sorry for this.”
Pulling away reluctantly, he gave her a wistful smile. “To be honest, I expected it. After Ford.” His voice tightened and Teyla’s smile was sad.
“Aiden may come around, yet, I have no doubt.”
John had lots, though, and that was the problem. “He’ll sort himself out, Teyla, but it won’t be the same.”
Rodney was hanging around in the background, making himself busy but John had no doubt that he was listening, anyway. Teyla was watching him, too, aware that he wasn’t going to be able to part as easily as John was making it seem.
“You’ll give us the co-ordinates to Athos, when you settle?”
Teyla chuckled. “I would not try and hide from you, John. You and Rodney will always be welcome, no matter what situation you may find yourself in.”
John didn’t reveal his plans to her, aware that they were only just taking shape in his own mind, and reluctant to voice them in front of Rodney, anyway. “It’s been –“ he trailed off, and Teyla touched his arm gently.
“I know, John. I will miss you, too.”
He brought her close, then, hugging her tight despite his aversion to touch and affection. “Thank you, Teyla.”
When they parted, Rodney was waiting beside them, nervous. John could see the sad hint to his smile. “Teyla.” It was all he said, but she drew him close, not the usual Athosian goodbye, but a crushing bear hug that Rodney gave back with gusto. He turned his face into her hair, and John took a step back. He didn’t want to hear what they were saying, what their parting would cost them.
Turning his back on them for a moment, he watched the planet revolving on the sensors and wondered if the people down there were really who Teyla thought they were. The last of her people, the last of her life that she’d thought had fallen along time ago.
“Be happy, Teyla.” He turned and caught her smile, Rodney’s hand still lingering on her hip.
“I will miss you, both. Please, don’t be strangers.”
{ . }
Saying goodbye was getting harder the more years that passed. John wasn’t ready to say goodbye to himself yet. He had to believe Rodney was on the planet that Ford had given him co-ordinates to. He had to, or he really would go insane.
{ . }
“I used to be able to do that.”
John watched in amusement as Zelenka smacked his head on the console he was working under and translated the series of Czech curses with the aid of Atlantis.
“That wasn’t a nice thing to say, you know.”
“You don’t have to sneak up on people.”
“I kind of do, actually.” More amused then stung by the remark, John watched Zelenka redden and then shake his head.
“Do you have a problem or are you just here to irritate me like Lorne?”
John let out an amused noise. “You should be nicer to him. He does pay your wages.”
Zelenka crowed triumphantly. “I will rig the ship to explode if he tries to withhold that.”
This time, John’s noise is more pained and Zelenka pats the side of the ship, as if patting Sheppard. “I was just joking. I would not dream of exploding her.” More quietly, he added, “We will find him, you know.”
John didn’t say anything, just grateful.
{ . }
Lorne looks like he has about a hundred questions, and maybe after all of this John will tell him something. Maybe. Right now, he just wants to -
“We’ve arrived.”
Zelenka’s words echo around the cabin, but it’s not like he has to say them, anyway. The whole crew is on the bridge to watch. The ship dropped into a stable orbit and John admired Sateda on the sensors. This was it, then.
Rodney.
{ . }
“Rodney, stop.”
Rodney closed his mouth and looked at John in silence, as if he knew what was coming.
“I joined the Space Force.”
“What-“ Rodney looked him straight in the eye, and John could feel him physically curl in on himself, moving away from John. “Why would you do that?”
Pacing the floor of the cabin, John worked his hands into his hair, and then dropped them down in front of him nervously. “I just, I can’t do this anymore. After Ford and Teyla – it doesn’t feel right anymore, you know?”
“No, no I don’t know. We’ve always had – I’m not going with you.” The statement came on the heel of the denial and John closed his eyes, willing it not to be true.
John took a step forward, hand outstretched. “Look, I-“
“No.” Rodney put a hand on his chest to stop him coming closer. “I don’t know if that’s what you thought I’d do, but I won’t. I’ve spent my whole life getting away from them, Sheppard, I’m not about to walk right up and announce myself as part of what they stand for!”
“Rodney.”
“No, John.” John knew he was serious, he was never ‘John’ out of the bedroom. “I’m not going to do this. You do what you have to do, but you’ll do it without me.” Without waiting for a reply, Rodney stalked out of the cabin.
Frustrated, John turned and punched the wall. “Dammit!”
{ . }
John knows that Rodney is on the ship, even without the aid of the sensors. He’d know the feel of Rodney anywhere, body or not.
“All right, Sheppard,” McKay was demanding, as he set foot on the ship. “You wanted to see me, here I am, now tell me why I’m wasting my valuable time being here.”
“McKay?” John can’t help but ask, stunned. He’d been hopeful, yes, but he hadn’t actually thought-
“Who else?” McKay turns slowly in their tiny cargo bay. “Not really in the mood for hide and seek, here.”
“I’m not hiding,” he said. Ronon is an obvious presence in the doorway, and the silence between he and Rodney is oppressive enough, thankfully, that when Zelenka comes out of the kitchenette, head ducked, Ronon is curious enough to follow in his wake.
“What happened?”
That’s the familiar tone that he’s used to and John sets about explaining the situation, giddy that Rodney is on the ship, is here.
“You got stuck. In a ship.”
“You’re narrowing it down, Rodney.” He’s whining, he knows, but Rodney is being ridiculous on purpose.
“This is what you need me for, then?”
This will be the uncomfortable part, and John wishes he had better words, that he’d actually prepared for now in all the years they’d been searching. “For now.”
Rodney’s eyebrow arches, but he doesn’t say anything else.
“I had to find you, Rodney. I didn’t – We didn’t exactly leave on good terms.”
Rodney’s mouth drops, awkward and unhappy and John wishes he had hands, wishes he could smooth happiness back into his face and lets out a frustrated noise.
“I’m sorry. I just needed your help.”
“Someone else could have helped you. Sam said –“
“I wanted you.”
Rodney smiles, then, and John thinks, possibly, that he’s won. “Right, then. Where’s this pilot of yours?”
John lets out an inner cheer and follows Rodney eagerly. Maybe they can do this after all.
{ . }
Rodney stood in the doorway, leant against the doorjamb. “Wow. I didn’t know you’d look so good in a uniform.”
John snapped up and whirled, grinning, as he looked Rodney up and down. “Rodney!”
“In the flesh.” Rodney said, humourlessly. He didn’t move from the doorway and John was left dumbly in the middle of the room, happy but cautious.
“What are you doing here?”
“Officially?” Rodney waved his hand. “I’m visiting my sister. Unofficially?” This time, he looked uncertain and straightened, avoiding John’s gaze. “I didn’t like – I don’t want you to – I came to say goodbye.”
“Yeah,” was all John said. He took two steps forward and pulled Rodney closer. “I didn’t like the way we left things, either.”
Rodney opened his mouth, maybe to disagree, but then he closed it and just looked at John. “I’m working in a lab again, on Arela.”
John smiled. “That’s good. What you’ve wanted for –“
“Can we just-“
“Yeah, yeah,” John said. He tilted his head down and met Rodney’s lips in a kiss. It was bittersweet and something John would remember as goodbye for a long time.
{ . }
Pain exploded around him and John scream.
Rodney had warned him that it would be painful, but he hadn’t thought anything could hurt this much. Losing Teyla and Rodney and Ford had hurt, hurt bad, but this –
His soul was tearing itself from the ship, he knew that, but god it hurt. The scream was echoing inside his own head - his head! – and he wanted to cheer but the pain was still sending spasms through his body.
Almost as soon as it had come, the pain faded beneath happiness and awe that it had worked. John smiled up at Rodney, noticing his white fingers, clenched painfully against the side of the pod. At Lorne and Cadman and Katie, fingers pressed to his neck and he passes out, still content.
{ . }
“Thank you, Rodney.”
Rodney smiled easily, hand on John’s neck. “You’re welcome. Now shut up and kiss me.”
With a laugh, John did just that.
{ . }
“Um, Captain Sheppard?” The young man in the door to John’s quarters gave him a tentative smile. He could appreciate the wariness.
“Hi. Can I help you?” John dropped his jacket on the bed and turned to face the fresh-faced cadet.
“I’m your new trainee, Sir.”
“Ah.” John gave him a smile. “How long have you been here?”
“Two days, sir. I caught the earliest transport over to the Academy. They said you’d asked for me personally.”
“You have an affinity for ships, Lorne.”
Evan Lorne smiled and nodded. “Yes sir.”
“Then I believe you and me,” John said with a smile. “We’ll get on just fine.”
{ . }
Lorne’s at his side and he’s honest to god flying.
Rodney’s somewhere on the ship, glad and John’s unhappy that he can’t feel him anymore, but he knows it, anyway. He also hopes that Rodney’s making friends with Zelenka, but he doubts it. Still, he’s the happiest he’s been in a long time.
The SF are on their tail as they escape from the planet, one more lost contact, but he laughs, really really laughs as Zelenka kicks in the gate drive and they’re gone.
{ the end }
author:
thisissiriussummary: he'd thought it would help, somehow, being stuck inside a ship. actually, it just made you morose. and not a little paranoid.
rating: pg[13]
fandom: stargate; atlantis
title, author and URL of original story: Penguins & Sparrows & Stars by
bluflamingo. i knew the moment i clicked open the link that this was the story for me and i'm hooked on this fic asnd the prologue, both of which i'd recommend! thank you, Blu, for letting me play in your sandbox!His consciousness flowed through Atlantis’ systems like an extension of her own sensors and circuits. He could see everything, all at once, something that had threatened to break him back when he’d been new at this. He could touch anything that made Atlantis the ship he’d come to know and love and the freedom was like a drug.
He could see Katie nervously biting her nails in the makeshift infirmary, resting against the med bed and he knew she was waiting for news on Lorne and the others, wondering how many of her friends she was going to have to stitch up this time.
Radek was working tirelessly in the engine room, trying to keep Atlantis in workable condition and waiting for the call that would mean he’d be coaxing the ships systems into a dash they’d performed many times before, and would continue to do so.
He could feel, through Atlantis’ sensors, the away team, their life-signs and statistics blinking through his consciousness. He knew which one was Lorne (high blood pressure, arm still healing from a brush on one too many planets). He knew that one was Cadman (adrenaline rush that never faded) and the other was the semi-cautious Parrish (almost perfect life signs). He fought a sense of longing, almost constantly, at wanting to be down there with them, living a life he was meant to, before a jealousy-ridden sorcerer had taken a dislike to John and trapped him here.
He felt an irrational sense of gratitude at the Space Force ship when it dropped into orbit and made it’s way to the space docks. There was terror too, of course, but he liked to feel useful. As he watched Lorne and the others make their way back to the ship, he felt a rush of adrenaline not unlike Cadman’s, and willed Lorne to hurry so that they could get the hell out of here, already.
John would have gritted his teeth, if he had them, when Zelenka pushed Atlantis into flight and he wanted to protest as much as Atlantis when they finally made it into a shudder and jerk.
Lorne rushed into the room and Zelenka relinquished the controls to him, almost gladly, and John ignored the sensors bleeping all around him about the proximity of the Space Force ship.
“Yes, because I can fix it with only hair pin and none of the parts you went for in twenty minutes you were away.”
John snorted inwardly at Zelenka’s reply and relished the mood Atlantis seemed to work the crew into.
He watched Lorne’s motions as he tried to guide Atlantis out of the way of the Space Force ship, and away from a planet that he’d already taken off his mental list of Places That Don’t Hate us Yet.
He watched in silent fascination (like he has a choice) as Lorne did flight manoeuvres that John missed being able to perform, and he’s almost painfully aware of the conversation going on around him. Being able to participate is the easy part, wanting to is getting harder.
John got flashes then, of everything at once. Cadman ready with her explosives, glee ripe on her face. Katie hanging back just out of range, not quite as happy. Zelenka, working his magic with the gate drive and Parrish, out of sight but definitely not out of mind. It’s Lorne who’s fighting to save their assess, like he always does. John thinks, someday when he gets his body back because he will, he’ll have to talk really loud and long, with his mouth, to Lorne about how much he appreciates everything, all he’s done, to keep them all alive. Really.
When John recognised the familiar signs of the gate drive powering up he thinks they might actually make it, again, and grinned in his minds eye.
“Who taught you to do that?”
It was still weird, talking but not really talking.
“That would be you, sir.”
“Oh. Nice flying, then.”
“Thank you, sir.” Lorne was amused and John wished he was there, grinning beside him. It’s been too long since he’s flown a ship with his own two hands.
{ . }
He doesn’t like to eavesdrop on the crew. Not all the time, anyway. He’s not stupid and he’ll take what gossip he can from the small snatches. They’re not a big crew, but it only takes more then three people for there to be even a hint of gossip. He learnt that a long time ago.
He tries not to think about Lorne and Parrish, or Katie and Cadman when he sees them. It makes him think of what he’s lost himself and he almost wishes the sorcerer had had a daughter. It might have been worth it, then.
“We got a call when you were out.”
John was trying not to think about that call. Ford had been more agitated than normal. It wasn’t unusual, but the reaction had put John on edge and he was trying not to get too hopeful. Just because Ford said he knew where McKay was, didn’t mean he actually did.
{ . }
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” Rodney clutched his arm with his free hand, blood soaking through his fingers almost immediately. He dropped to his knees and crawled his way into the bushes, face pinched in pain and getting paler by the second. “Dammit, he’s gone crazy!”
John didn’t say anything. He couldn’t even feel concern right now. He peered left. “Teyla?”
“I am fine, John.” She crawled towards them, gun tight in her hand. She took one look at Rodney and muttered a curse under her breath, already reaching for the bandages in her hipbag. “What could have happened to make him react this way?”
“I don’t know.” John frowned and jabbed a finger in Ford’s direction. “What planet was he left alone on last?”
“Delaghn,” Rodney said. All three immediately tensed up, remembering the planet population only too well. It had been a desperate landing, one they’d tried to be on and off within a couple of hours. Things hadn’t run that well, though, and John remembered Ford running up the ramp, breathless and a little out of sorts. He hadn’t bothered to question it then, but now he wished he had. “Oh great, perfect!”
John muttered under his breath as Teyla began to wrap a bandage around Rodney’s arm.
“John, we must get Rodney back to the ship.”
“Mm’fine.” The words were slurred and John threw a hasty look at Rodney’s drawn features and heavy-lidded eyes.
He shifted in the undergrowth and took one last look at Ford. “We go, then.”
“Can’t just leave him,” Rodney said.
Ignoring him, John tugged at Teyla’s sleeve and she worked a shoulder under Rodney’s arm, working their way to their feet. “Keep to the undergrowth. I’ll cover you until we get back.”
Teyla nodded wordlessly and started off with Rodney. John gave one last fleeting look at Ford, armed with two guns and their trading pass, and followed.
Sorry, Ford.
{ . }
John knows that Lorne doesn’t believe that McKay exists. He wasn’t exactly forthcoming with information on the guy before this, but it had been hard admitting that there was something that John just wasn’t good at. Apparently, keeping friends had been one of them. Until Lorne, anyway.
It’s not that he can forget McKay, not for a lack of trying, sometimes, but it’s that the memories of him hurt and he’s good at pretending that they don’t. When the sorcerer had first imprisoned John in Atlantis, he’d been giddy and thought it was cool but then reality had set in and John knew that Rodney was the only person who would be able to help. There were others, of course, but none of them would be crazy enough to know the solution, but Rodney. Crazy enough to carry it out, anyway.
When Dr Carter hadn’t come through for them with the details of where Rodney was, already having traded the naquadah for a better deal and refusing to give up the co-ordinates, John had lost hope at finding McKay again.
The Galaxy seemed to be against John finding Rodney, and he didn’t like that at all. He liked even less having to keep it from Lorne, but he wasn’t happy sharing that part of his life with anyone. There were limits to how much John was willing to divulge about himself, and his time before the SF was one of them.
Memories, sometimes, were much to precious to talk about.
{ . }
Sheppard grinned and brought his head up from around the small cruiser. “Admit it. You like her.”
Rolling his eyes, Rodney yanked hard on a piece of the engine and it fell away, yet another sign that the ship was more than just scrap, now. “I’m socially awkward, not blind. She’s gorgeous, and she has a killer…” he trailed off.
“Rodney. John.”
John gave her a blinding grin and watched in amusement as a blush crawled up Rodney’s face.
“Teyla,” he babbled. “Hi. How did the negotiations go?”
“Very well.” She raised an eyebrow and patted his back in what she probably thought was a friendly manner. It just made the blush darken and rise to his hairline. “Have you found anything we can use?”
Rodney snorted, falling back into the easy rhythm of derision of anything SF-based and Sheppard gave her a small smile. “Not so much. Rodney, though, was just pointing out how inept they’d have to be to leave ships like this for any old scavengers.”
“And by ‘any old scavengers’,” Teyla said, wryly. “You mean us.”
Rodney nodded. “Yes. I mean no, I mean – look, this ship is lying here and if there are useable parts, then of course we’re going to make do with them. It’s not like they’re going to be missed.”
“Of course not, Rodney.” Teyla shook her head and John smothered another laugh behind his hand.
“Yo, guys!” All three of them turned their heads to the docking ramp of their own cruiser.
“Why does he have to start every sentence with ‘yo, guys’?” Rodney grumbled, but worked his way to his feet and fell into step with John and Teyla.
Aiden Ford was bouncing on the balls of his feet, an eager smile spread out on his face. He was impossibly young, still, but his enthusiasm and friendliness had worked it’s way under even Rodney’s skin, and John hadn’t been the only one happy to let him on board the ship.
“What’s up, Ford?”
“I think we just hit pay dirt.”
They joined him at the main console and Rodney fingered the controls eagerly, drinking in the data filling the screen. “This is – You guys, it’s naquadah.”
John’s eyes widened and he peered over Rodney’s shoulder “Are you sure?”
Rodney ignored him and pointed to the scrolling data. “Thousands of kilo’s. There’s enough here to keep us in the money for years. People will trade and arm and a leg for this. Not that we’d want an arm and a leg but, years.”
“We get it, Rodney.” John exchanged a look with Teyla and gave Rodney’s impatience a fleeting glance. He valued both of their opinions but sometimes Teyla was the voice of reason where Rodney was the voice of want want want, no matter how much John might want, too.
Teyla took a moment, and John knew she was weighing all the options. A mining operation would take a long time, and it was dangerous to stay in one place for too long, every pilot knew that. But at the same time, they needed naquadah if they were going to be going anywhere anytime soon. “I believe it would be wise to mine as much as possible before we have to move on.”
John could see the triumphant grin on Rodney’s face even before the ‘ha!’ He shook his head. “Right. Get started, then. I’ll finish cannibalising that ship out there, and see what we can do with the parts.”
{ . }
John watches the exchange between Ford and Lorne in silence, knowing that Ford won’t want to talk to him, not when he can’t see his face. He knows why, too. Ford needs to be able to see a person’s face, to judge their trust. He needs to know if he’s going to be stabbed in the back, ironic considering, or whether he’s going to get what he wants.
On the screen, Ford’s eyes look away from the screen and then back, but he’s not looking at Lorne anymore. “Is Sheppard – can I talk to him?” he asks. He sounds almost like the old, young Ford, and it catches John’s attention.
“Of course. He’s right here. Say whatever you want.”
Knowing that that won’t work, John watched in seriousness as Ford shakes his head and refuses and John suddenly knows how this has to work. Maybe Ford has come around, he won’t hold his breath, but maybe he really does have something this time.
“Ford.” John cut across him, needing Ford to focus right now. Rodney is at stake and John needs him now, maybe more than he ever has. “Don’t get upset. Lorne’s concerned about Atlantis, that’s all.” John nudged Lorne out of the cabin, verbally and mentally.
“You sure, Sir?”
“I’m sure. Go on.”
As soon as Lorne is out of earshot, and John makes sure that he is, he focuses his attention back on Ford. “What is it, Ford?”
There’s a long stretch of silence and then Ford leans closer. “I really do have the co-ordinates.”
“Like the last time you said you had them.” John’s voice tightens and he’s not happy about this, any of it.
Ford smiles and it’s that smile that always put John’s hair on end, back when he had it, and if he could glare he would. “You didn’t need him quite as badly last time, and I needed he moment.”
“Well, when you have spare you can pay us back.” John’s voice is hard as steel now. “What’s the price, Ford?”
“There isn’t one.”
John laughed. “Now that I don’t believe for a second. You told me to get rid of Lorne and I figure you did that for a reason.”
“I have a reputation, that’s why I told you to get rid of him.”
Something, then, flashes in John’s memory. “I get it. You think this is that time?”
Ford’s grin is feral. “It has to be important. I figure this is as close to life and death as it’s going to get.”
“Fine. You don’t owe me anything, Ford. If you give me those co-ordinates, that is.”
As he speaks, the co-ordinates are uploaded into Atlantis’ data banks and the rush of relief is stark and hard against his consciousness. “If he’s not there, Ford, there will be nowhere-“
“I’ll take that as a thank you, Sheppard.” Ford tapped two fingers against his head, towards the screen. “See you around.”
He’s gone and Sheppard stares at the screen, wondering if he dare hope this time.
{ . }
“Ford.”
Aiden looked back at him from a small ship that Sheppard recognised from somewhere. “Hey, Sheppard.”
John couldn’t detect any hint of guilt or remorse for his actions and he wished, not for the first time, that Rodney had stayed on Delaghn with Ford. “What do you want?”
His voice was heavy with disdain and Ford seemed to catch it, something in his expression souring and then softening. “Look, Sheppard. I didn’t –“
“Cut the crap, Ford. You put a bullet in McKay’s arm, and then shot up the ship when you left. Tell me why I should sympathise with you, or give you any kind of handicap because we’re friends. I let you contact me. Now tell me what the hell you want, or get the hell away from my ship.”
Ford sat stunned for a minute and John was almost sorry at his outburst. Almost. “I need your help.”
John resisted the urge to laugh and wondered what Rodney and Teyla would say if they were here. Teyla would be glad that Aiden was in contact again, that he was trying. Rodney? John wasn’t sure what Rodney felt about Ford anymore. He wasn’t even sure what he felt. “Why should I help you, Ford?”
The name sounded alien in his mouth, after all this time, and it was hard to picture this man in front of him as the exuberant youngster who’d found them a naquadah mine when they needed one the most.
“We were friends once, John. Please.” He looked at John the way he used to, when he had done something wrong, or was unsure in the moment. John dropped his eyes from the screen and wondered why all his friends had perfected the ways that sucker punched him into giving them what they wanted.
“You owe me, Ford. One time, I’m going to need you, and when I do, you’re going to give me what I want, you understand?”
Without hesitation, Ford nodded. John knew then, that he was lost.
{ . }
John doesn’t find Lorne straight away. He needs a minute to think about this, but then he takes a look at the co-ordinates and it’s a week away. It should be nothing next to the years they’ve been searching, but it seems an age now that Rodney could be a mere week away.
The planet is unfamiliar, but he hadn’t really expected Rodney to still be in the lab he’d left him in. They’d been searching for two years, almost, and John had been watching Lorne get frustrated, wondering if maybe John was making it up. It was true that John was lonely, sometimes, despite the crew, but he wasn’t that lonely. He’d had a life before the SF, and he wondered if parting some of it to Lorne beforehand would have helped with this, now.
Hindsight.
“Lorne?”
Lorne isn’t at all startled and John wonders if he’s always expecting there to be a voice in his ear. It will make it hard if they fix this, but it will be amusing, that’s for sure.
“It’s a week away.”
Week rings through the ship and Atlantis hums along right beside him as he informs Lorne that they’re going to need to make that fuel pit stop after all.
“I miss having privacy,” Lorne says and John laughs.
He laughs, but feels the truth of the statement more clearly than he’d like right now.
{ . }
“If we use the gate drive, we can get there faster.”
“Fine!”
“Do you think this is it?”
John fades between their conversations, feeling the strain more keenly than they do. He knows they’re discontent, he knows that they think he’d being foolish, but this could be it.
“Sheppard does. He knows Ford better than I do.”
I did, once. John hasn’t known Ford in a long time and just because he doesn’t think that Ford’s agitated and suspicious tendencies have extended to getting rid of John completely by sending him to some raider-riddled planet, doesn’t mean that they haven’t.
He knows Rodney is out there, somewhere. He also knows that, before, Rodney wouldn’t have been out of contact with him for longer than a week, let a lone a year. But they’d all changed since their time together. Ford and he and Rodney. Even Teyla. So much was different, but he hadn’t realised, then, that so much would have to change.
{ . }
“Teyla, I wish you’d reconsider.”
“I know you do, John. But I have to do this. They are my people.” She clutched his shoulders in the familiar manner, dropping their foreheads together and breathing in deep. “I am truly sorry for this.”
Pulling away reluctantly, he gave her a wistful smile. “To be honest, I expected it. After Ford.” His voice tightened and Teyla’s smile was sad.
“Aiden may come around, yet, I have no doubt.”
John had lots, though, and that was the problem. “He’ll sort himself out, Teyla, but it won’t be the same.”
Rodney was hanging around in the background, making himself busy but John had no doubt that he was listening, anyway. Teyla was watching him, too, aware that he wasn’t going to be able to part as easily as John was making it seem.
“You’ll give us the co-ordinates to Athos, when you settle?”
Teyla chuckled. “I would not try and hide from you, John. You and Rodney will always be welcome, no matter what situation you may find yourself in.”
John didn’t reveal his plans to her, aware that they were only just taking shape in his own mind, and reluctant to voice them in front of Rodney, anyway. “It’s been –“ he trailed off, and Teyla touched his arm gently.
“I know, John. I will miss you, too.”
He brought her close, then, hugging her tight despite his aversion to touch and affection. “Thank you, Teyla.”
When they parted, Rodney was waiting beside them, nervous. John could see the sad hint to his smile. “Teyla.” It was all he said, but she drew him close, not the usual Athosian goodbye, but a crushing bear hug that Rodney gave back with gusto. He turned his face into her hair, and John took a step back. He didn’t want to hear what they were saying, what their parting would cost them.
Turning his back on them for a moment, he watched the planet revolving on the sensors and wondered if the people down there were really who Teyla thought they were. The last of her people, the last of her life that she’d thought had fallen along time ago.
“Be happy, Teyla.” He turned and caught her smile, Rodney’s hand still lingering on her hip.
“I will miss you, both. Please, don’t be strangers.”
{ . }
Saying goodbye was getting harder the more years that passed. John wasn’t ready to say goodbye to himself yet. He had to believe Rodney was on the planet that Ford had given him co-ordinates to. He had to, or he really would go insane.
{ . }
“I used to be able to do that.”
John watched in amusement as Zelenka smacked his head on the console he was working under and translated the series of Czech curses with the aid of Atlantis.
“That wasn’t a nice thing to say, you know.”
“You don’t have to sneak up on people.”
“I kind of do, actually.” More amused then stung by the remark, John watched Zelenka redden and then shake his head.
“Do you have a problem or are you just here to irritate me like Lorne?”
John let out an amused noise. “You should be nicer to him. He does pay your wages.”
Zelenka crowed triumphantly. “I will rig the ship to explode if he tries to withhold that.”
This time, John’s noise is more pained and Zelenka pats the side of the ship, as if patting Sheppard. “I was just joking. I would not dream of exploding her.” More quietly, he added, “We will find him, you know.”
John didn’t say anything, just grateful.
{ . }
Lorne looks like he has about a hundred questions, and maybe after all of this John will tell him something. Maybe. Right now, he just wants to -
“We’ve arrived.”
Zelenka’s words echo around the cabin, but it’s not like he has to say them, anyway. The whole crew is on the bridge to watch. The ship dropped into a stable orbit and John admired Sateda on the sensors. This was it, then.
Rodney.
{ . }
“Rodney, stop.”
Rodney closed his mouth and looked at John in silence, as if he knew what was coming.
“I joined the Space Force.”
“What-“ Rodney looked him straight in the eye, and John could feel him physically curl in on himself, moving away from John. “Why would you do that?”
Pacing the floor of the cabin, John worked his hands into his hair, and then dropped them down in front of him nervously. “I just, I can’t do this anymore. After Ford and Teyla – it doesn’t feel right anymore, you know?”
“No, no I don’t know. We’ve always had – I’m not going with you.” The statement came on the heel of the denial and John closed his eyes, willing it not to be true.
John took a step forward, hand outstretched. “Look, I-“
“No.” Rodney put a hand on his chest to stop him coming closer. “I don’t know if that’s what you thought I’d do, but I won’t. I’ve spent my whole life getting away from them, Sheppard, I’m not about to walk right up and announce myself as part of what they stand for!”
“Rodney.”
“No, John.” John knew he was serious, he was never ‘John’ out of the bedroom. “I’m not going to do this. You do what you have to do, but you’ll do it without me.” Without waiting for a reply, Rodney stalked out of the cabin.
Frustrated, John turned and punched the wall. “Dammit!”
{ . }
John knows that Rodney is on the ship, even without the aid of the sensors. He’d know the feel of Rodney anywhere, body or not.
“All right, Sheppard,” McKay was demanding, as he set foot on the ship. “You wanted to see me, here I am, now tell me why I’m wasting my valuable time being here.”
“McKay?” John can’t help but ask, stunned. He’d been hopeful, yes, but he hadn’t actually thought-
“Who else?” McKay turns slowly in their tiny cargo bay. “Not really in the mood for hide and seek, here.”
“I’m not hiding,” he said. Ronon is an obvious presence in the doorway, and the silence between he and Rodney is oppressive enough, thankfully, that when Zelenka comes out of the kitchenette, head ducked, Ronon is curious enough to follow in his wake.
“What happened?”
That’s the familiar tone that he’s used to and John sets about explaining the situation, giddy that Rodney is on the ship, is here.
“You got stuck. In a ship.”
“You’re narrowing it down, Rodney.” He’s whining, he knows, but Rodney is being ridiculous on purpose.
“This is what you need me for, then?”
This will be the uncomfortable part, and John wishes he had better words, that he’d actually prepared for now in all the years they’d been searching. “For now.”
Rodney’s eyebrow arches, but he doesn’t say anything else.
“I had to find you, Rodney. I didn’t – We didn’t exactly leave on good terms.”
Rodney’s mouth drops, awkward and unhappy and John wishes he had hands, wishes he could smooth happiness back into his face and lets out a frustrated noise.
“I’m sorry. I just needed your help.”
“Someone else could have helped you. Sam said –“
“I wanted you.”
Rodney smiles, then, and John thinks, possibly, that he’s won. “Right, then. Where’s this pilot of yours?”
John lets out an inner cheer and follows Rodney eagerly. Maybe they can do this after all.
{ . }
Rodney stood in the doorway, leant against the doorjamb. “Wow. I didn’t know you’d look so good in a uniform.”
John snapped up and whirled, grinning, as he looked Rodney up and down. “Rodney!”
“In the flesh.” Rodney said, humourlessly. He didn’t move from the doorway and John was left dumbly in the middle of the room, happy but cautious.
“What are you doing here?”
“Officially?” Rodney waved his hand. “I’m visiting my sister. Unofficially?” This time, he looked uncertain and straightened, avoiding John’s gaze. “I didn’t like – I don’t want you to – I came to say goodbye.”
“Yeah,” was all John said. He took two steps forward and pulled Rodney closer. “I didn’t like the way we left things, either.”
Rodney opened his mouth, maybe to disagree, but then he closed it and just looked at John. “I’m working in a lab again, on Arela.”
John smiled. “That’s good. What you’ve wanted for –“
“Can we just-“
“Yeah, yeah,” John said. He tilted his head down and met Rodney’s lips in a kiss. It was bittersweet and something John would remember as goodbye for a long time.
{ . }
Pain exploded around him and John scream.
Rodney had warned him that it would be painful, but he hadn’t thought anything could hurt this much. Losing Teyla and Rodney and Ford had hurt, hurt bad, but this –
His soul was tearing itself from the ship, he knew that, but god it hurt. The scream was echoing inside his own head - his head! – and he wanted to cheer but the pain was still sending spasms through his body.
Almost as soon as it had come, the pain faded beneath happiness and awe that it had worked. John smiled up at Rodney, noticing his white fingers, clenched painfully against the side of the pod. At Lorne and Cadman and Katie, fingers pressed to his neck and he passes out, still content.
{ . }
“Thank you, Rodney.”
Rodney smiled easily, hand on John’s neck. “You’re welcome. Now shut up and kiss me.”
With a laugh, John did just that.
{ . }
“Um, Captain Sheppard?” The young man in the door to John’s quarters gave him a tentative smile. He could appreciate the wariness.
“Hi. Can I help you?” John dropped his jacket on the bed and turned to face the fresh-faced cadet.
“I’m your new trainee, Sir.”
“Ah.” John gave him a smile. “How long have you been here?”
“Two days, sir. I caught the earliest transport over to the Academy. They said you’d asked for me personally.”
“You have an affinity for ships, Lorne.”
Evan Lorne smiled and nodded. “Yes sir.”
“Then I believe you and me,” John said with a smile. “We’ll get on just fine.”
{ . }
Lorne’s at his side and he’s honest to god flying.
Rodney’s somewhere on the ship, glad and John’s unhappy that he can’t feel him anymore, but he knows it, anyway. He also hopes that Rodney’s making friends with Zelenka, but he doubts it. Still, he’s the happiest he’s been in a long time.
The SF are on their tail as they escape from the planet, one more lost contact, but he laughs, really really laughs as Zelenka kicks in the gate drive and they’re gone.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-19 11:15 pm (UTC)One tiny thing - I think you forgot to close an italic tag somewhere towards the end, because the last few sections are all italic.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-28 07:20 pm (UTC)i didn't think it would be, but it was something i wanted to try and feel out for myself. i'm happy with how it turned out, but like you i really don't think that's the way it happened. from your story i knew that sheppard had a lot of affection for lorne, and for the crew, and i wanted the bit with the ship to stand out, so i'm glad you liked it!
it was an honour to get such a fic that i really enjoyed and hadn't actually seen before. of course, it makes me want more, now that i've read the prologue and sparrows and now there's a big gap ;)
i did indeed. i was such a doof for not checking first ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-28 08:52 pm (UTC)THe funny thing is, though it's not the history I was thinking of, it still totally works, which is pretty cool. And now I want to go back and write more in that universe, so thank you (the bit in between your story and mine, I guess).
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-20 09:32 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-28 07:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-21 06:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-28 07:18 pm (UTC)i just read it and wanted them to have been together in the first place, and once i had that it all seemed to come together well. so thank you!
i like the bits with ford the best!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-26 03:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-28 07:17 pm (UTC)thank you very much, H :D
(no subject)
Date: 2008-05-03 10:29 am (UTC)